Area man Larry Enns, 51, normally swears off sports completely, but for some reason is really into the Blue Jays this evening. “I’ll be on the edge of my seat,” said Enns. “Rance Mulliniks is playing ...
Pastor Dave of South Leamington Mennonite Church is gearing up for his longest sermon yet this upcoming Sunday. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Pastor Dave, “but those Blue Jays are such an ...
After an apparent gaff in running an ad that accurately represented Ronald Reagan’s views on tariffs, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is now asking the Blue Jays to “let them have this one,” in an effort to ...
A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa Square,” said ...
Winkler, Manitoba, often called the Paris of the Pembina Valley, was the victim of a brazen daytime heist this week after balaclava-donning thieves on dirt bikes took off with Mrs. Reimer’s prized ...
Millions of Mennonites across the United States gathered for what they had heard was going to be a ‘No Krahns’ protest. “It’s about time we sent those Krahns back to Canada,” said Mr. Wiens. “Hey, we ...
Calling it the “worst photo of all time,” Mennonite satirist Andrew Unger is now suing Time Magazine for the weird low angle shot they used on a recent cover. “I don’t mind being named Menno of the ...
Mr. David Kehler of Kleefeld was in the big city on a Costco run this afternoon when he stumbled upon a massive crowd that had gathered at Grant Park Mall. “Look at all those people,” said Kehler. “Is ...
Area mom Brittany Klippenstein was so exhausted from her Thanksgiving weekend that she now requires a weekend to recover from the weekend. “Thanks goodness we’ve got another weekend coming up,” said ...
Pop superstar Katy Perry was spotted in what looked like some level of embrace with another former Canadian Prime Minister this week. “I don’t know what came over me,” said Perry. “I guess I just like ...
In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 million Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who ...
Just days after Connor McDavid closed a deal with the Oilers, local youth pastor Collin Martens inked a two-year $25,000 extension with WestEast Edmonton Mennonite Church. “We had to wait and see what ...
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